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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Only in the South could a funeral be satirically funny

A few blogs back, I shared the story of a family's suicide. Many supportive comments were made and I truly appreciate that. What I wanted to add was a twist to the story, one that only could be seen in the South.

From the moment we heard of the suicide, I was only concerned about my husband and his emotional well-being. The 5th wife of his father, yes, I said 5th, took it upon herself to organize a funeral she claimed she couldn't pay for....that is, until the insurance policy she forged to herself was discovered, but I digress.

Picture this: a grieving son, dumbstruck brother, stunned daughter-in-law (that would be me) and #5 wife sitting with the preacher for arrangements.

"Uh, I want a song played at the grave. My brother plays his guitar really good and I know that Ronnie would want that." She tapped her foot 60 beats a minute. I counted.

I'm thinking, okay, Rocks of Ages, Amazing Grace, you know, hymnals.

"What do you have in mind?" The preacher asked.

"I want that song 'I did it my way' sang. It was his favorite."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I DID IT MY WAY AT A FUNERAL FOR A SUICIDE?

Fast forward to the graveside service. The entire town stands around the tent, my husband and his uncle on one side, #5 wife and her idiot Bassmaster wanna be son on the other. Just when I think it's over, a man with a full mullet stands and strums his guitar.
As he sang the chorus, I made eye contact with one of my husband's best friends, whose face was frozen in horror/amusement. But what really took the cake, won the prize, and buttered the bread was when #5's brother messed up the stanza

HE STARTED OVER!!!

That's right, the whole song, played in its entirety for all of the mourners to hear. I can picture Kramer, Elaine, George, and Jerry Seinfeld in this scene or the cast of 'Arrested Development' to use this storyline.

Moral of the story: Put the songs you want played at your funeral in your will OR this could be you.



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