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Sunday, January 09, 2005

Are you something on a stick?

No matter you come from, there are certain sayings or phrases that will stick with you for the rest of your life. For me, I remember my mother describing any snotty, greedy, egotistical, high-falluting, holier than thou, 'too big for their britches' person with this phrase: They're just something on a stick. Personally, I always picture a chocolate covered banana on a stick. Is that a phallic reference? I don't know.

I've implemented this phrase, this way of thinking, into my life. Feel free to use it in your life as you see fit. Here are just a few examples where it is applicable and a few where stronger language should be used.
  • Bank tellers that wrinkle their noses at your jars of loose change are something on a stick.
  • Waitresses that refuse to refill your children's water are something on a stick.
  • Beautiful teenage girls at their first minimum wage jobs are most likely something on a stick.
  • 18 year old boys with daddy's Hummer and credit cards are definitely something on a stick.

Now we are crossing into the advanced level, the master's level if you will, of using this phrase. Very few people in one day truly deserve this designation, but you can find them at your church, mall, or local movie theatre. These people have graduated from simple rudeness or narcissism in to: They're just something on a stick that can't be shook off.

Notice the difference - images of dogshit or other excrement pops in my mind when I have to use this phrase. While the basic rules apply, I suggest the following situations qualify for this stronger language.

  • Church going women that 'tsk tsk' your daughter's choice of white shoes after Labor Day.
  • Twenty something clerks at a department store that won't wait on you since you are shopping the sales racks.
  • Any person that not only answers but proceeds to have an entire conversation in a movie.

I hope this gives you new ammunition to use on your daily encounters with idiots, hussies, and jerks of all shapes and sizes. My goal is that every person incorporates this into their daily routines so that all of these United States of America can know their place in this world. And if they are on a stick.

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