Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Build your own church?

I was raised in an conservative church - no shorts, no dancing, no drinking, no cussing. So I broke most, maybe all, of the rules as a teenager but now that I'm an adult, I've been wondering. What if you could mix and match different denominational practices, like build your own sundae at the Pizza Inn? Here's what I was thinking:

From the Catholics, I would pull the whole confession thing. Since most of my friends tended to be Catholic growing up, the confessional box has intrigued me. Being able to let loose all of the sins I've committed to one person that can't do anything to me - HELLO, that's a dream come true. And the Fish Friday deal - once I asked a priest about that at a friend's rehearsal dinner. He went through the history of fisherman, blah blah, so I asked him if the Pope could declare Thursday "Oreo Day". He threw holy water on me, I think. The Catholics also get to drink with minimal guilt. If the priest can be seen at the liquor store, I think it's okay for his parishoners to order a margarita at Chili's.

From the Baptists, I'd adopt their summer camps for teenagers. When I was growing up, there was a camp that was well known for great looking guys, mixed swimming, and loads of free time. Just add a keg, and you've got another summer blockbuster movie, huh? Wait, now that I think about it, no summer camp. Now I know why my mother refused to let me attend.

From the Mormons, nothing. Sorry, but your caffeine rules and the allegiance to polygamy, no can do. But good luck to you with all of that.

From the Jehovah Witnesses, I'd utilize their building skills. In our town, those people poured the foundation, framed the church, and bricked it in in less than a week. I don't know who their contractor is, but give me his number.

From the Pentacostals, I'd ask for their braiding secrets. All that hair, they know more about styling than the local weave factory down the street.

From the Methodists/Lutherans, their youth groups would have to be in my church. They always have the best functions, the coolest sermons, and great vans.

From the Jewish faith, I'd have to incorporate their holidays. Keep Christmas and add in Yom Kippur, you betcha.

Now that I'm officially a heretic in your eyes, I guess I'll stick with my conservative church. Tomorrow, I'll be the one with a miniskirt. Gotta keep the elders talking.


  • OMIGOD Tish I LOVE your blog!I read the entire frst page! I can't believe you had to pee in a sick bag in front of folks..gave me a good laugh though, and your love of stroke patients is one that we share, so often they can only say two or three words or short sentences and most often at least one of them is a cuss word.My favorite gentleman could only say shiiiitttt and oh my...I loved him so much!!!I will be back for sure!

    By Blogger thequeen, at 11:23 PM  

  • Tish,

    You have a great blog here. There are all sorts of skills that lead to good writing, one is a ruthless candor about your own humanity. Then of course there's simple awareness, being fully present in the life that you're leading. These two characteristics are richly present in your work.

    George Pence

    By Blogger George Pence, at 9:15 AM  

  • lol. Tish you're a hoot! Thanks for inviting me over. I've bookmarked your site. :-D

    By Blogger Jaye, at 10:29 AM  

  • I've always felt the same way: invent your own religion. I'm not sure what I'd borrow from the Buddhists, but I sure love them.
    Thanks for visiting my blog!

    By Blogger Kicking Bitch, at 10:56 AM  

  • Nice! As a Lutheran pastor's kid, I can appreciate this. :)

    By Blogger Jesster, at 12:02 PM  

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