Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Crystal and Phil - American Idols for 2005

Marvel Comics Meets Crystal
It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's SUPERMOM CRYSTAL. Able to change two diapers at a single time...proving that Mothers of twins reign superior in the world of parenting, I present the latest saga in Crystal's adventurous life: SHOPPING WITH THE TWINS......
Our heroine finds herself with a gift card to Dillards and explicit instructions to spend only on herself. With twins secured in the Super Mom Jogging Stroller (sold separately on Supermom.com), she marches to the Juniors section to inspect the latest fashions. The associates coo and gather over her two year old twins, ignoring the fact that SuperMom has only 45 minutes to shop for herself before the dreaded POTTY TRAINING exercise must commence.
Three pairs of jeans and the twins barely fit into the dressing room, but SuperMom knows how to cram them into the cubicle without straining. As she tries on the first pair of jeans, Twin A, known in the superhero world as Atomic Pooter, begins to fiddle with his sister, Twin B, known as Drama Princess. Supermom hurries into the second pair of size six jeans, glancing at her watch to beat the Poop deadline. "Doo doo" Atomic Pooter giggles. Drama Princess proceeds to perform the impossible: spill juice from an unspillable sippee cup.
CUE THE HERO MUSIC: From her purse, Supermom pulls out a triple absorbable towelette, leaving no stain on the dressing room carpet. She peels off the perfectly fitting jeans while singing the Potty song to Atomic Pooter, who is releasing the pre-poot artillery. Breezing by the saleswoman, she hands both the gift card and the jeans for immediate purchase. They reach the bathroom in time for Atomic Pooter's deposit and once again, SuperMom saves the world. To read more about this 21st Century superheroine, log on to
http://twinsmom603.blogspot.com/.

* No Dillard's employees were harmed in this story.

Phil, The Last Frontier
There are boys, there are men, and then there's Phil. Standing inches above the rest, Phil could singlehandedly replenish the earth with little Phils if the notion struck him. When Phil was a lad growing up in the outskirts of Nebula Three, the constellation south of our own solar system, he would gaze out at the lavender sky and wonder what else was out there..what other beings could possibly exist. And when the time came, he trained for the Academy with the best of them. Picard, Spock, Ryker, they all were envious of this phenom known as Phil. His desire to explore focused on the planet Earth, where the women were plentiful and computers were just becoming popular. He landed in Indiana, where immediately he became the heartthrob of all farm girls and three mute Indian men (that is another story). Phil's decision to marry an Earthling caused his banishment from Nebula Three but his heart was full of love for one particular human woman, a creature that would bear at least 5 of his children...maybe more if the X-Ray machine he played with as a child didn't completely damage him. Today, he lives among us as a witty writer and father of many. There are nights, thougth, that when Deep Space Nine and Star Trek: The Next Generation are scheduled simultaneouly, Phil's image can be seen in the corner of the ship, like a ghost.
When he isn't trying to make contact with his alien cousins, he can be found discovering new ways to humor us Earthlings on www.brainbullets.net.


*Names were not changed to protect the guilty. Marrying an space traveller not endorsed by this writer.

1 Comments:

  • Excellent! At last, the truth is out there and in here. A few corrections, just for the record.

    I still play with X-Ray machines when I have the time.

    In addition to the "three mute Indian men", you forgot the Korean hermaphrodite with the 18 inch tongue.

    I counted my kids this morning, and we have at least 6. Unless I got the math wrong, I counted 8 kids, but a couple of them might have simply been visting, or been from the government sent as spies. Either way, their faces weren't overly familiar. Come to think of it, all of their faces weren't overly familiar. I wonder if I was in the right house.

    By Blogger Phil, at 9:53 AM  

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