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Monday, January 24, 2005

Mondays should come with a warning label

When God let Adam name the animals, He gave the only man on the face of the world the power to name the days.

"Watch how bad he'll screw the pooch on this day, Gabriel." God elbowed one of his favorite angels as they listened to Adam's proclamations. "Hah! Monday? I'd have called it something else, like Crap, but does he listen? No. Well, buddy, I'm gonna send you a little something that will always remind you of your flaws."

And then Eve was created, but that is another story.

Monday is by far the worst day of the week. Not only do you dread the alarm going off, but returning to work and school leave little room for happiness and laughter. At the next State of the Union address, I fully expect President Bush to call for the following recommendations' implementation on or before April 15, 2005.

  • There should be two half hour mandated federal mental health breaks.
  • Coffee and other caffeine loaded beverages should be discounted by at least half if not completely free for the first work day of the week.
  • Fashion don'ts are given a pass on Mondays, no matter what.
  • Hairstyles or lack thereof will not be criticized on Mondays.
  • Layoffs and/or firings cannot occur on Mondays.
  • There will be a fifteen minute grace period when clocking in Monday mornings.
  • There will be a thirty minute water cooler meeting regarding Desperate Housewives, gossip, etc. This will be paid time.
  • Holidays that land on Sunday will be observed on Mondays.

There are more to list, but since it is Monday, I am not required to finish this post as I am on my mental health break.

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