Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Friday, February 04, 2005

Great - now I'm a recovering alcoholic?!?!?

I learn so much from patients. Today I learned that my addiction to the best soda pop in the world is the choice for most if not all recovering alcoholics.

Great. Then my Dad rants about there being two cups of sugar in every soda pop. Five cell phone minutes of his diabetic predictions and threats of dialysis later, I STILL ordered my new favorite Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper at the Sonic this morning.
For most of my life, I've been a Pepper. I think the
Kleptomaniac Great Grandmother gave me my first sip of the magic elixer. She kept her refrigerator stocked with the old-timey glass bottles but GOD FORBID if you asked for one. Her brown eyes would narrow into hateful slits as she pushed the cold, delicious bottles further back on the shelf away from my grasp.

"Do you have any money? These don't grow on trees, you know." At eight years old, I imagined a tree with jingling Dr. Pepper bottles swaying in the wind. When I asked her about such a tree, her hand found my backside for being a smartypants.If you behaved, and by that I mean that you scrubbed her toilet AND her kitchen floor, you might be treated with HALF of a bottle. Mean as a green eyed snake, that woman. It's because of her selfishness and taunting of me as a child that I am now a grown woman addicted to Dr. Pepper. And why I don't like to clean, at least that's what I say.

There are very few places that serve quality Dr. Pepper. Most convenience stores have their ratio all wrong so there is no burn, no tingling upon swallow. It's like kissing your sister - sure it's a kiss but does it really count? I don't think so. Ice cold cans rate higher than their plastic counterparts in that the sound of the popping top releases some sort of hormone readying your body for the caffeine rush and sugar high. Twisting a cap doesn't do the same for me.

Now that I know I'm a recovering alcoholic, I can rationalize increasing my Dr. Pepper intake. I can tell my Dad that I'm just trying to stay clean, man, back off. Buying a twelve pack won't be such a bad thing now as I am beating my 'real' problem. Now with the advent of CHERRY VANILLA DR. PEPPER, I can claim I'm getting my calcium or vitamins maybe - working the cherry angle, that is.

I've kicked the habit once for three months. Nothing but tea, beer, and water crossed my lips for twelve weeks. Talk about a living hell. You know you're a real bitch when a patient offers you 50 cents to 'get that bee out of your bonnet.' Good thing I don't work there anymore.

Are there coins or medallions for being Dr. Pepper free for three months? Let me know. I think I deserve it for the effort at least.


  • A friend of mine once said (and this has always stuck with me): "Dr Pepper is better than sex!". Kept me chuckling away to myself for a while anyway :)


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:37 PM  

  • he obviously doesn't get it much then??.... If dr pepper is THE drink for alcoholics then it makes you think ..... what sort of chemicals are in this shit if someone who poisons themselves on a daily basis thinks it tastes good!??

    By Blogger kurgan, at 4:13 PM  

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