Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I see dead people, I mean carbs

Damn Dr. Atkins. I could have lived without his low carb diet just fine but NO, he had to go and ruin delicious pasta dinners, buttery breads, and cakes that wet the mouths of monks.

Because I know it works, I am now on the low carb diet. In the past sixty hours, I have not had so much as a crumb of bread, a strand of angel hair or a sliver of my son's birthday cake. Is it my imagination or does the food KNOW I am dieting? It's like a conspiracy of sorts - the croissants that I love so dearly somehow appear in my line of vision at the grocery store. Is it me or is there chicken Florentine aroma floating throughout a service station? I don't think so either but I swear the five dollar box of spaghetti next to the oil filters WAS GRINNING at me.

Since we are on the 2005 Birthday tour, most weekends and a few week nights are filled with children birthdays. Let me just say right now that McDonald's has NO respect for a woman carbless. They flaunt their golden French fries right before my eyes and well within reach, but I said no. As the kids munched on their chicken nuggets, I ogled one mother eat her Quarter pounder. She took time torturing me with each slow, ketchup drenched bite. Finally she noticed my drooling stare and asked if I needed something. Yea, give me the paper it was wrapped in and I'll lick the grease stains.

For a treat, hubby brought home the Carb Smart ice cream bars. Don't believe the hype. It's like licking the sole of a new shoe but with a hint of chocolate. And the ice cream? Frozen Milk of Magnesia.

Since my goal is to lose between thirty and forty pounds by June, I will have to incorporate exercise. You're probably thinking "You're a physical therapist, isn't that what you do for a living?" The answer is yes for other people, no for me. I'm the person that tells you what and how to exercise but the sad truth is that many of us in the health care profession fall into the "do as I say, not as I do" category. An avid collector of
workout equipment, I know must release the mechanical menagerie sitting in the corner of the living room. Only then will the rear lift, the thighs shrink, and the tummy flatten.

UNLESS....anyone want to sponsor my total body makeover?

Didn't think so.

Well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow as some of you eat biscuits or pancakes for breakfast, have mercy on the woman chewing pork rinds in the corner.


Post a Comment

<< Home