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Saturday, February 12, 2005

What's wrong with America



For some reason, I wasted five minutes of my life and watched Anna Nicole's reality show.

Every blonde in America should protest Anna's artificial hair color. Not only does she perpetuate the stupid blonde myth, but she takes it a step further into a new realm of idiocy. Her ignorant whining and complete lack of parenting skills shouldn't be considered entertainment for our population. Rather, I'd like her nasal Southern drawl to be recorded and blasted through the caves in Afghanistan, Iraq, and now North Korea. Osama himself would surrender just to escape Anna's monologue on why she likes having her toes sucked. The North Koreans might nuke themselves to avoid listening to Anna's incoherent blatherings.

I'm all for white teeth but Anna goes too far, don't you think? Her teeth are so white they are blue, for heaven's sake. How many people do you know that have a smile so white it burns your retinas? Not many. I'd like to meet the dentist that told her no, we can go whiter. He's probably in the same medical group who gave the thumbs up for Michael Jackson's latest nose. Now we all know that a little whitening paste isn't the only cosmetic enhancement Anna's had done - between the neon white teeth and the enormous 'cha-chas' she sports, I can't see how she walks upright or keeps from blinding normal folk when she smiles.

Maybe she's a decent, intelligent person behind all of the glamour, makeup, and partying. She might be well versed in Proust and debate existentialism with her manager off camera but it's more likely that Anna's longest reading material might be the issue of Playboy she posed for and the last debate she had with her manager centered around her public speaking abilities.

If I were Donald Rumsfeld, I would contact Anna and ask for her DNA. If they can clone sheep and kittens, why not Anna? Send 100,000 Anna troops over to Iraq. Many of our soldiers could be saved by those gigantic breasts distracting the terrorists. Instead of using her against our own people, let's put Anna to work FOR us.

7 Comments:

  • Tish, it looks like I'm not the only one posting about breasts today! LOL Very funny post.

    By the way, consider yourself linked. I'd meant to link you sooner, but it must have escaped me... See you soon.xo

    By Blogger Last Girl On Earth, at 2:12 PM  

  • Tisha wrote: "Maybe she's a decent, intelligent person behind all of the glamour, makeup, and partying."

    Girl? Are you smoking crack? Anna makes Ozzy seem like a candidate for MENSA!

    Really, lets all admit it - we'll feel much better after we hear the toliet flush!

    By Blogger angeladickson.com, at 10:19 PM  

  • Hey, Tish. I met you in Ft. Worth. Whaddaya mean, you don't remember?! Dang, girl, I was the good-lookin' guy who brought his wife and stayed in a camper. No? Oh, well, story of my life.

    Hey, Lantz has signed me(!) and thinks your blog is about the best thing going. He wants me to emulate. How's that for approval?

    Anyway, I'm a new blogger (check it out) who needs readership to gain some respectability. Since you're now my role model, any chance of getting linked on your site? Any advice, other than telling all my contacts to tell all their chat room buddies, etc., about my blog.

    Best wishes on your publishing quest. Let me know of any possibilities or sales!

    Duke

    By Blogger Duke_of_Earle, at 10:18 AM  

  • Oh, yes, I agree about Anna. Your suggestion to send her to Iraq, Afghanistan or North Korea gets kudos from this soldier mom.
    Great writing as always!

    By Blogger Monica, at 10:21 AM  

  • That was HILARIOUS. I'd write more but that picture blinded me.

    By Blogger Mamacita, at 10:50 AM  

  • Goofball? GOOFball@!? Thanks a LOT!Seriously, I appreciate the response. Are you willing to share your email address with me so I can ask you blog questions without posting them? Mine is on my site in my profile. I can't find yours.
    Thanks,
    Duke

    By Blogger Duke_of_Earle, at 11:18 AM  

  • You are so very generous to suggest that she actually READ Playboy rather than just looked at the pictures.

    Now, I think I have some blogrolling to do.....

    By Blogger Michele, at 12:04 AM  

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