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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

You Voted and I listened! The Winner is...

WHEN IN DOUBT, CHECK FOR A SHLINGA SHLINGA!

I am finishing my second novel "Rocks Of Ages" about life in a nursing home. Since I did three years in them, I feel I'm qualified to write about the activities of both the residents and employees.
One of the funniest stories that I am including in the book I just had to share tonight. This is a thumbnail version, mind you.Mr. Nathan, a frail horn rimmed man, had a proclivity for sex. At 83, he wore two layers of clothing inside out every day of the year. Most people shy away from flannel in the dog days of a Texan summer, but not Mr. Nathan. He shuffled from hallway to hallway, searching for a possible partner but only found rejection and ridicule from the nurse aides.
One afternoon, Mr. Nathan wandered into a dark room next to my therapy 'gym'. He stopped for a moment, studying the far hospital bed's occupant for signs of interest. At this point, I should have seen it coming but I had my hands full with one of my all time favorite patients,Miss Tena.
In five short seconds, Spanish curse words echoed from the room and Mr. Nathan came bolting out with a bloody lip. Mr. Sanchez ranted for an hour until finally we had the only Latino nurse aide interpret his complaints.
According to Mr. Sanchez, he was asleep in his hospital bed when this strange white man climbed on top of him and pulled his legs apart whispering "I'm coming home, baby."Mr. Sanchez's bald head beaded with sweat as he continued cursing the white crazy man that mistook him for a willing woman.How do you confuse a bald Mexican with a woman of any sort? You've got me.
When Miss Tena heard about the incident, she sucked her four teeth for a moment and just said, "Shoulda checked for a shlinga shlinga first."

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