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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Laundry Lamentations

Woe is me, for I tackle the fifteenth load of laundry without dryer sheets.

Woe is me, for the washer’s uneven spinning has scarred the wall with multiple dings and scratches.

Woe is me, for five socks of differing sizes have disappeared from the dryer. Their lonely mates will forever be worn indoors during winter never to be married again.

Woe is me, for someone that I dare not name slipped my dry clean only sweater into the white load – the HOT CYCLE white load.

Woe unto my spouse, whose forty inch inseam blue jeans have shrunk to 37 ½ after being accidentally dried by someone who again shall not be named.

Woe unto my daughter, as her favorite pink pants are now spotted with black ink from a contraband pen left in a pocket. Let it be known that all pockets must be turned inside out TWICE before entering the wash cycle.

Woe unto my son growing too fast for his once fitted clothing. He carries the High Water pants legacy with him now.

Woe unto the towels that are ready for truck washing retirement but are still on active shower duty. The flattened nap and paper thin construction are testaments to the ingenuity of Korean laborers.

O, I long for the day that a petite woman shall gather my laundry, wash it, fold it, and place it in the appropriate dresser drawer. I will, of course, be a resident of an assisted living center unless by the grace of God my book shall sell, I win the Texas Lottery, or an illegal immigrant seeks me for room and board.

9 Comments:

  • Noooooo! Not the dry clean only sweater!! I mourn aswell.

    By Blogger ClaudBLOG, at 1:30 AM  

  • Perhaps the illegal immigrant can do your laundry for reduced rent? :)

    By Blogger Idgie @ the "Dew", at 7:06 AM  

  • i am the laundry guru. okay, that really means i just do a lot of it...and i'm uber picky about it. hand washing, only delicate cycles...hang to dry, not dryer.

    okay, i have issues, don't i?

    By Blogger jen, at 7:36 AM  

  • Laundry??? That's why I pay $0.80 a pound! That Vietnamese lady does such a fine job!

    I'm so freaking lazy!

    By Blogger The Ugly American, at 8:02 AM  

  • Tish, I'll send good thoughts for a number one bestseller and/or the Texas Lottery your way and you do so mine. That way, we're sending positive vibrations out into the world for another person-how could that NOT be rewarded!

    Fun post to read. Hope your woes are done for the week although Heaven knows, laundry is NEVER done.

    By Blogger Monica, at 8:37 AM  

  • Oh, Tish, I feel your pain! Just a week ago, I got the first brand-new washer and dryer I've ever had in 26 years of married life...but before that, I've been through just about every laundry woe you can name (including the infamous pen-left-in-pocket one.)

    Once I washed and dried a favorite London Fog trench coat, very carefully according to directions, only to find that one of my children had left a purple crayon in the dirty laundry. Yep, it dried with the trench coat, creating a definite but not very fashion-worthy design. I actually cried.

    By Blogger Cindy, at 9:08 AM  

  • The Old Laudry blues...(with strains of Stevie Ray Vaughn in a classics blues song)

    "I got them old laundry blues
    My baby said she gotta go clean
    The blue shirt comes out red
    My favorite blue jeans shrunk to threads
    Dry clean comes out weird
    but the money comes out clean
    a new meaning to money laundrying
    (chrous)
    Yeah I don't know what I am gonna do
    Them old laundry blues
    Yeah them old laundry blues...


    Think about runnin out for a drink
    knowing the old laundry will be there tomorrow
    thought about a trip to the Dr.
    but laundry will still be there
    when I called the office they said they are out of the happy pills
    the laundry still there to do

    Yeah you know I got them old laundry bluessss
    Yeah i don't know what I am gonna do
    Them old laundry blues
    Yeah them old laundry blues...

    Killing me softly with no fabric softner
    killing me with old rags to wear once again
    Yeah just killing me with the laundry blues baby----

    Yeah those old laundry bluesss
    the laundry blues are killing me once again----"
    (fade to a nice guitair lead)


    I just wrote this on the fly I hope you like it...

    By Blogger ikw3804, at 9:25 AM  

  • i feel your pain. really i do.
    i hate laundry.
    will you hate me if i tell you i have done two loads of laundry since my nanny moved in with us in may??!!

    By Blogger Ali, at 4:21 PM  

  • I have just got my kids (7 & 9) to start folding and putting away their own laundry. I love it! I feel like a slave-driver but I keep telling myself I am doing it for their own good. Ha!

    http://seeking-serenity.blogspot.com/

    By Blogger Barbara, at 9:43 PM  

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