Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Not an actual conversation with OnStar

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Operator: This would be OnStar if you weren't so cheap. How can we help you?

Tish: There's a man in my driveway trying to sell me homemade panties.

Operator: Huh?

Tish: I was minding my own business as usual, and pulled into my driveway. A thin black man approached me and asked if I needed my lawn mowed.

Operator: I thought you said he was selling homemade panties?

Tish: I'm getting to that. After I pointed out my husband just mowed the lawn and that he was standing next to the bags of cut grass, he asked if I wore panties.

Operator: He asked if you WORE panties?

Tish: Well, he asked if I liked frilly panties, which I felt was none of his business.

Operator: I'd say it wasn't. So, ma'am, how is this an emergency?

Tish: Well, after I told him I wasn't in the market for any homemade panties, thank you, he told me he would send down his wife from the apartment complex two blocks over. Apparently, she makes the panties in their kitchen and their light bill is fixing to be cut off and she also makes lingerie if I am interested.

Operator: I still don't see the emergency.

Tish: Well, from where I am sitting I can see a four hundred pound woman carrying two fistfuls of what looks like panties, bras, and maybe a teddy. Oh, no! She just nodded at me and is heading my way - HELP!!!


THIS HAS BEEN A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY ANTI-SOLICITOR TEST. IF THIS HAD BEEN AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY, YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD THE SCREECHING OF TIRES AS TISH SPED AWAY FROM HER OWN HOME. THIS IS ONLY A TEST.

14 Comments:

  • Tish,

    Any news on the Lantz front?

    Loved your post interviewing Eve. I may try an interview with Adam, but I hear he's hard to get hold of with Letterman after him all the time.

    John

    By Blogger Duke_of_Earle, at 5:32 PM  

  • Tish,
    I didn't know Bertha, my neighbor left the house to go over your way or I would have sent you an all out alert---man she is a wild and big one and oh if you get on her bad side...lol

    wwww.alwaysvictoria.com

    By Blogger Ms. Vickie, at 7:58 PM  

  • This is so hysterical. Don't you wish there was some emergency number you could call to rescue you from hard sell solicitors?

    I've said it before, but you are truly clever!! Thanks for the laugh!

    By Blogger WordWhiz, at 8:05 PM  

  • Mary Jane was swinging in the park trying to see how high she could go. Her momma said, "Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your panties."

    Mary Jane just laughed and laughed...cause she knew she didn't have no panties on.

    Don't be like Mary Jane, but some of them homemade panties!

    By Blogger Crazy Like A Fox, at 9:26 PM  

  • Good story! Yuck! Stay away from people that make these home made panties!!

    By Blogger mrsmogul, at 5:02 AM  

  • Ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha! Ha!

    I love it. Aahh... *wipes away tear out of corner of eye from laughing too much*

    By Blogger Thérèse, at 1:52 PM  

  • I wonder what your husband would have thought if you had invited her in for tea, while staying on the telephone with the operator and inviting him or her over as well...

    (By the way can I link you?)

    By Blogger Thérèse, at 1:55 PM  

  • Oh, as usual, a wonderful post - your site is one of my new favs, and trust me, in a world of one-gagillion blogs, to be on my new favs list is a HUGE deal as I am VERY particular about who makes my blog list - right now it is mostly friends and family - and a few wonderful selections from the WWW. I must add you immediately.

    By Blogger Eddo, at 4:17 PM  

  • eeek... I hope you have bolts on your doors. My wife once got invited to a lingeri party hosted by an incredibly obese woman. After a few hours of listening to comments about how this and that would look so good in a crumpled heap next to the fat lady's bed and several other variously vivid comments on the ladies sex life, she came home. I didn't get laid for over two weeks after that.

    By Blogger Couch, at 5:00 PM  

  • Hysterical!

    I had a man come to the door a month or two ago and ask if I might want to buy some meat.

    Ummmm, wonder what kind of meat - was afraid to ask, gently pushed the curtain rod back in place and walked away.

    By Blogger Idgie @ the "Dew", at 7:23 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Nzyme, at 9:11 AM  

  • "A thin black man...."

    Tish,

    I read most of your current posts, and found them hilarious....until this one. I find it rather racist. Why did the guy have to be black? Or ANY color for that matter? The story would have been just as humorous if you'd left race out of it. Just something to think about.

    By Blogger Nzyme, at 9:17 AM  

  • I apologize if my story offended anyone. The only reason I wrote "a thin, black man" was because it was a thin, black man. There was no racial motivation, nor any intended harm in my posting this story.

    By Blogger Tisha from Texas, at 10:25 AM  

  • *sigh* Tish... shame on you ;) BTW, the crazy cat lady across the street from me is white. Not just because I'm white and can't offend anyone, she was born that way. So was I. What a shame.

    By Blogger seeingdouble, at 9:57 PM  

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