Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Reading between the lines

Oh, you are writing a book? How wonderful.
Who does she think she is, John Grisham? Writing a book, please! I guess she thinks I'll run right out and buy it. Yeah, right. Let me know when Oprah gives you a call - LOSER!

Your children are so spirited.
What a couple of complete brats!! Give them to me for a week and we'll see how they act then.

I had such a hard time losing the last ten pounds after my baby was born so I know how you feel.WOW! I thought I was a cow but after looking at your pudgy stomach and wider rear, I could be on a runway today.

No, really, your hair looks fine. Can we go?
Nobody in their right mind would have their hair cut that way unless they were auditioning for the next Star Trek movie. Maybe I can stand on the other side of the room and no one will know we are together.

Momma, I have something to tell you and please don't be mad.
I've colored/superglued/stained/etc. something of yours that is either a priceless heirloom, valuable keepsake, or a piece of furniture that you just got out of layaway.

Don't worry, honey. I wasn't in the mood anyway.
What? Are you kidding me? I put this dental floss getup on for you and I get nothing? This will be filed in the 'remember for later use' file, buddy!


  • One of my favorite humorist was Erma Bombeck (http://www.humorwriters.org/)
    - Tisha you are on the same par; I love your posts!

    By Blogger void, at 5:49 PM  

  • such a sweet lady...who knew you could be so evil!!!

    By Blogger The Ugly American, at 11:06 PM  

  • Thanks Tish it good to know that someone out there has bad hair days to.
    Now where did I put that comb?
    Oh there it issssssss! The dog just finsh chewing on it andleaving it nice and slobery and aprtly torn up.. whimmper...

    By Blogger ikw3804, at 7:17 AM  

  • My kids are angels, what are you talking about?

    By Blogger Silly Old Bear, at 11:34 AM  

  • "spirited" Yeah...I've heard that used to describe my kids, too. On a good day.

    By Blogger AverageMom, at 3:54 PM  

  • hahahahah. That was great :) I enjoyed it thoroughly.

    By Blogger meeta, at 3:56 PM  

  • LOL, had one just yesterday! "Dorothy, you've gained weight haven't you?" Oooooh...as if I want to be reminded? Never mind that the woman who asked me looked like something that ate Moby Dick.

    By Blogger Dorothy, at 8:15 PM  

  • Oh, yes. My favorite, as a fellow writer (from someone who'd just roundly mocked the parenting mag I was writing for at the time, not that it's not occasionally silly, but the woman still had her foot in her mouth...):
    She: Well, what do you really want to do, long term?
    Me: I really hope to do mostly essays, and I'd like to write for the New Yorker, or the Atlantic.
    She: Snort!

    BTW, love your typewriter!

    By Anonymous KJ, at 8:30 PM  

  • It has been such a great day after the rough week and I'm glad I thought to come to your blog today because you have given me even more to smile about!

    Great posting again.

    By Blogger Monica, at 1:33 PM  

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