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Friday, May 20, 2005

Caged Match with The Jehovah Witness: Round One

So you're telling me there's no Hell? And all this time I was afraid of eternal damnation. Thanks for clearing that up. But, just to make sure I'm understanding this, all that talk in the BIBLE about hellfire, knashing of teeth, and suffering forever is just metaphorical? Could have fooled me and about ten BILLION other people on this earth. And Jesus, too.

No birthday parties? Are you kidding me? Because they didn't celebrate birthdays in the Bible, we aren't supposed to either? Well, they didn't have washers or dryers, cars or bicycles, movie theaters or cable, so are those disallowed as well? Next thing you'll tell me Christmas is off limits or the Tooth Fairy isn't welcome in ....oh, that too? I have to be honest, this isn't sounding too appealing to me.

Only 144,000 are going to Heaven?Those odds aren't exactly in my favor. What happened to that whole Salvation through Jesus Christ, you know, the Son of God? There wasn't a quota in his contract, so....what? Live on Earth forever? Now who wants to do that? I'm in this thing for the grand prize, not some consolation lifetime supply of granola. This really isn't appealing to me, sorry.

Ten minutes of Old Testament scriptures followed, but to no avail. I am still part of the lost sheep. Rounds two and three will follow next week. I'm sure I won't escape without a Watchtower tract or ten.

5 Comments:

  • OHHHHH TISHHHH...
    MY EYES WERE CLOSING AND MY HEAD WAS SCREAMING: HEYYYYYYYYY U SLUT!! U ALREADY TOOK THE SLEEPING PILL!!! GO TO BED NOW U JERK!!!
    BUT I HAD TO READ THIS AFTER I SAW its TITLE
    and AS ALWAYS.... I LOVED IT!

    YOUR PATIENT AND GREATEST Faaaaaaaan
    ian

    (see you in hell)

    By Blogger Ian-Ivy du Bois, at 2:06 AM  

  • OMG, i've grown up methodist and my boyfriend is a J-dubya(yes, it is against his religion to even be dating me because i am but a poor sinful "worldly" girl; and yes, his parents think we quit associating 5 months ago when they discovered we had been dating for 3 months already)...wow, that made me laugh so hard because it reminded me of the o so many "discussions" we've had over those very same points (among others concerning our religious differences)...they make some good points, but its stuff like you mentioned(or the part where they think they have the authority to kick people out of God's house, disassociation hits me very hard) that i just can't quite agree with...

    By Blogger Maddie, at 7:08 PM  

  • Why is it the people that feel the need to press their religious views on you never seem to want to hear yours?

    Johavah, please save me from your followers!

    By Blogger Red Clover, at 9:16 AM  

  • Always ask them one Question.
    "How laong has it been since you beleived in Acts2:38-39.
    They will run like they have been doused with gasoline....
    ANother person just told them " thank you very much but I have already made reservations with Satan and I am going to be with Adolf and Herman Goring...

    By Blogger ikw3804, at 10:25 AM  

  • Answer the door with a shotgun in your hand. They'll never come back. Trust me on this one. ::giggle::

    By Blogger Chicka, at 2:08 PM  

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