Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Did you just call me a SUB?

When I was pregnant with Drama Diva, I happened along a fantastic book by Gavin De Becker The Gift of Fear. In it, he defined what a bitch is and it totally blew my mind. I highly recommend this book for every woman at any age.

Being In Total Control of Herself.

His spin on the "B" word is completely different than what I knew it to be. I began thinking of a time in my life when Prince still ruled the airwaves, when big hair and mall bangs were all the style, and life was simple. College, that's what I am talking about, and while in college, one of my best friends and I invented a Bitch Code. You know when you are in the presence of a woman that just screams I AM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE or that one professor that can't grasp the fact that Poiltical Science isn't your end all, be all obsession? Yep, that type of bitch. Today I reveal this code to all of you. Think if it as a springtime gift or a great conversation starter at the office.

The SUB: Super Ultra Bitch. This is your above average woman that sucks the life out of normal, everyday activities. Nazi-like landladies, nosy neighbors, and stick thin preteens that have no business pushing a cart at Walmart into your shins and then giggling about it.


The P-SUB:Premo Super Ultra Bitch. Ranting former girlfriends of your current man, rude supermarket cashiers that question your check cashing worthiness, and the roommate that refuses to pick up her dirty laundry.


The TEP-SUB: Totally Elite Premo Super Ultra Bitch. This is the pinnacle, ladies and gentlemen. Its the Holy Grail of the bitch world. Only the most obnoxious, inconsiderate, and egocentric women fall into this category. Think Leona Helmsley or Marge Schott. Very few women can enter this member's only club without alienating their entire family.

Of course, you can improvise and go with P-SUB, or lighten the mood with just using UB, but by having these gradients of bitchiness, it streamlines the identification process.**


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Today, I attempted to interview Rebekah of the Jacob and Esau fame BUT she wasn't available. Something about shopping for Jacob's kitchen and then painting his house while Esau went to electrolysis, I don't know. She was very nice on the phone. I think next week I will try to reach Delilah or maybe Jezabel. I heard they were the original dirty dancers that spawned what is seen on MTV now.


**Don't think the men are getting off lightly, either. I am confident the Jackass breeds will be posted on this blog soon enough.

7 Comments:

  • I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of wish I could be a Premo Super Ultra Bitch. Just so people could call me that.

    By Blogger Michele, at 12:39 PM  

  • I love it when I am able to get over my good girl tendency and be a bitch. It's so freeing.

    I read The Gift of Fear many, many years ago. It was the first non-fiction (and possibly only non-fiction) book I've read for pleasure and it was totally enlightening to me. I wish I could get my sister to read it. She probably wouldn't get it though.

    Carrie (queenoframbles)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:15 PM  

  • I have had close relations with each of those types. And, unfortunately for my family, I can be each of those, or certain combinations of any two together, when provoked during certain times of the lunar cycle!

    P.S. Thanks for the link!

    By Blogger Robin, at 5:20 PM  

  • I loved the post. Great synopsis... but I truly began to laugh my bald little head off when I was reading the last paragraph about the interview with Rebekah! LOL! "Esau at electrolysis" indeed!

    By Blogger Mace, at 5:33 PM  

  • Did you just call me a Jack Ass?

    You are a total SUB!

    All this name calling is bitchin'!

    On a separate note, maybe later in the summer I can fix this site up with a new "Jacket", I'll keep you on my list...

    Oh, and that comment you left on my site - hilarious!

    By Blogger Eddo, at 5:34 PM  

  • I love the lettering. I think I'll use those so no one knows what I'm saying. Wait! I only compliment. Oh well. Thanks for coming by my site. I appreciate it. Great blog.

    By Blogger The Complimenting Commenter, at 7:47 PM  

  • As a hairstylist I have seen those listed and can probably add even more categories. You wouldn't believe what hormonally-charged women can do. ;-)

    Great post, and I'm sure the jackass one will be equally as insightful. lol

    By Blogger FTS, at 10:32 AM  

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