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Monday, May 09, 2005

A late Sunday Conversation with Delilah

Tish: Today we have caught up with the seductive Delilah between taping her latest informercial...

Delilah:It's all about me, my dancing, and how to, you know, capture your man.

Tish: Wait, didn't you betray your husband?

Delilah: I don't like to focus on what happens AFTER, Tish. (Her eyes narrow in my direction) It's a well known fact that my feminine wiles can encite men to war or...

Tish: Lose their hair and strength?

Delilah: There is that. Can we talk about something else?

Tish: One more question and then you can choose the subject. How did you feel after seeing Samson blinded by the Philistines?

Delilah: It bothered me, alright? Samson was a good man, had great hair, but what's a girl to do? I needed the money. End of story. (crosses legs and plays to the camera) Now, for all the ladies out there that need a little 'umphf' in the bedroom, I have just the ticket. My latest creation "Stripping for Dollars" will teach you not only how to find your man's weakest point, BUT what to do with the information so it benefits YOU.

Tish: I'm not really comfortable with this, Delilah.

Delilah: And I'm not comfortable with this interview, but I did it, didn't I? Now let me just show your viewers the three moves I taught Britney Spears AND Lil' Kim that made them stars.

Tish: Please take your seat, Delilah. This isn't that kind of show.

Delilah:When was your last hair cut? (Reaches into her bustier for switch blade)

Tish: Security! Security! Please escort this guest to the green room.

Delilah: I'll get you! You can't treat me like a common criminal! (resisting the guards taking her out of the studio)

Tish: No, just the Bible's Mata Hari. Join us next week for our stimulating interview with Jonah's girlfriend. She has an aversion to fish, large bodies of water, and pasta. It takes all kinds, doesn't it?

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