Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

If variety is the spice of life,

I am having heartburn.

Either I'm nesting OR I have contracted the Martha Stewart virus. Since hubby has been 'altered' and I haven't had contact with other men (excluding my stroke patients, hip patients, and/or cardiac patients), I'm not pregnant. Wait, you don't think those old men drugged me with a good Dr. Pepper, had their way with me, and then awakened me with ammonia? Whew, I think I've watched too many Lifetime movies.

We've been in this home since Christmas 2002, and I've managed to only paint the kids' rooms. When I say painted, of course I mean slapped paint in every direction hoping that it would dry pretty. Good thing Drama Diva has Hilary Duff posters and Casper likes Spiderman wall art. Now I have the itch to decorate once again, only now it's flooring. As much as I love to steam clean, especially during highly stressful situations, the idea of beautiful wood floors has captured my interest.

What astounded me during our sojourn into Home Depot was not only the endless colors of flooring, but the multitude of options: Hardwood, laminate with felt backing, laminate without backing, linoleum, ceramic tile, carpet, etc. While my head was swimming, an orange aproned teenager slid up next to us. I can't be sure, but I think I smelled something not of cigarettes in his wake.

When will I ever learn?
If I have socks older than the so-called expert, I need not ask questions.
If my children recognize said expert from his skateboard antics at the mall, he isn't qualified to handle my project.
IF THE ASSISTANT MANAGER SPENDS MORE TIME DISCUSSING GOLF AND HUBBY'S EXTRAORDINARY HEIGHT WHILE SCRATCHING HIS CROTCH, we need to shop elsewhere.

In a span of 72 hours, we have been quoted in excess of 2,000.00 down to 800.00 - all for the same 520 square feet of space. I'm almost ready to hire six midgets to do the whole dang thing, but hubby is scared of them.

Next week, I will be shopping for paint. If I don't hang up Hilary Duff posters in the living room, that is.

1 Comments:

  • Only a communist does "home projects." By doing home projects, you are stifling the economy, causing small children not to be fed a nutritious diet, and forcing out of work people to take drugs and abuse their dogs. You should hire people to do these home redecoration projects. You can later add “project direction” to your resume, and you won’t be harping at the hubby quite as much because you have contractors all over the house who you can harp at. Hiring out the work is also good for your self-esteem because you can drop names, like “Gucci” to go along with “imported Italian marble,” and “teak from the rainforests of Malaysia.”

    At least, that's what I tell my wife.

    Sigh.

    It doesn't work with her either.

    By Anonymous Mustang, at 10:08 PM  

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