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Thursday, June 23, 2005

Selective Hearing

Since GOD didn't take me home, I shall continue blogging. Thanks to all of you for your sweet, awnry, and lively comments. Next year, I will be threatening all of you with a semi nude pic if my comment stats don't pick up. There will be plenty of time for sunglasses and vomit bag purchases.

There are many things to look forward to as I age. Today, I learned how important that little dial on a hearing aid really is.


Husband/Patient humming an unknown tune while I am hooking up the Anodyne machine.
Wife/Patient: Honey, what year did my brother die from the lockjaw?
Husband: (still humming, slightly grinning)
Wife: HONEY, what year did my brother John die from the LOCKJAW?
Husband: (nods, hums, and broadly smiles)
Wife: DAMN IT! WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THOSE THINGS IF YOU WON'T USE THEM??? (marches out of the room)
Husband: (Fiddles with his hearing aid) She stomps like a horse, don't she?

Children don't have 'external' hearing aids, but it seems like they have a selective mute button located in either their butts or their heads and are activated when scratched. Waitresses with attitudes have built in hearing aids controlled by rapid gum chewing. Husbands control their sound by rubbing one eyebrow while yawning. Wives block out all sound by focusing on a minute pimple, freckle, or stray nose hair. In all fairness, our selective hearing should come with a momentary neon sign above our heads reading "NOT LISTENING ON PURPOSE". That way, important information usually mixed with general blah blah is saved for a different time.

Unless you are like me and purposefully insert crucial information during a blathering session just to see if my husband is listening.

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For those interested in Anodyne therapy, I have to say it is a highly effective tool for pain management, neuropathic pain, and wound healing. For more information, visit their website Anodynetherapy.com or email me. Yes, it is covered by Medicare and most insurances. No, it doesn't hurt. No, it doesn't come with a full body rub CHARLIE!!

5 Comments:

  • I remember my mom..."how come you can hear those damn ice cream bells, but you can't hear me call you? Is that selective hearing?"

    Glad you're still here!

    By Blogger The Ugly American, at 7:31 AM  

  • For the first time, I am looking forward to hearing loss. Thanks for giving me my morning laugh.

    By Blogger Donna, at 9:23 AM  

  • Huh?

    *ducking* ;)

    By Blogger Skunkfeathers, at 9:39 AM  

  • Being hard of hearing all my life, I have been accussed of having selective hearing. ( I think every male does ;>))
    As for kids- it is called Very Selective HEARING- Awww Mom why do I have to clean my room- Jen never has too... Of course mother replys with- that is becuase Jen keeps her room clean bucko.

    As for Husband it is usuallly happens after the first kid...
    Hoeny do you mind getting up and feeding that brat of yours... Honey??
    Husband fakes waking up HUH?
    That is it buster No nooky for you for about 6 years...

    For the Wife it goes like this-
    When did you tell me about this Golf Game? WHat do you mean it $500 for a mower at Home Depot when was it you told me this?

    Thanks Tish...

    By Blogger ikw3804, at 10:22 AM  

  • I do the same thing to my Husband, when I know he's not listening. I'll tell him something important and when he says "You didn't tell me that." I can then reply "I did tell you and you weren't listening." It's all a entertaining circle. :-))

    By Blogger Boarder Girl, at 12:28 PM  

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