Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Silent Conspiracy against Body Hair

One of the crossroads into puberty is the discovery of the 'first' hair. Pre-teen girls giggle and gush to their friends while the boys strut around the school in a peacock like fashion.

So when did body hair get such a bad rap? We coo over our child's first wispy lock and cry at the barber as it falls to the floor. Who cries for the unwanted leg hair, the underarm hair, or the 'mound of Venus' (a term used in old romance novels)? Since I am nine days shy of 36, I have at least 22 years of experience with follicle destruction. Other than learning the difference between tampons and pads,nothing is as critical in a woman's life.

Often misused, the razor has filleted more than sixty acres of skin from women's Achilles tendons. Even going from one to FOUR blades, you have to be both ambidextreous AND 'double' jointed to cover the four square feet each leg offers. Stubble? Oh, yes there is stubble and if men were smart, they'd have less to say about prickly legs and more about the cute shoes.


Hmm, let's see. Who wants to sit with caustic chemicals on their bare skin for at least 15 minutes in hopes that the hair burns off just before the last epidermal layer begins to melt away? Now if you are thinking of bombing for bugs AND need to shave your legs, this is the 'two for one' special - just the stench from the nuclear waste applied to your legs will buy your five months bug free. Indoor animals are often the victim of chemical hair removal...hairless chihuahuas, dare I say more? You know God didn't do that to a dog on purpose.

Not since the Crusades has a torture technique so widely been accepted. Pulling your hair out from the root, yea, that's how I spend my Saturday afternoons. Shortly after, I like to gargle with crushed glass and a cold Dr. Pepper. Sorry, I'm just not that into pain.


One of my college roommates purchased a small device promising hairless legs, arms, etc. Nowhere in the instruction booklet did it say DRINK COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL BEFORE USING, nor did it advise of heavy narcotic medication prior to application. Needless to say, many curse words, three gypsy poxes on her family, and three ice bags were used the night I tried the Epilady. Great for eliciting confessions or pledge week, bad for innocent hair removal.


So I ask you again, what has our excess body hair done to warrant such extreme measures? In some countries, women are highly regarded for their full underarm forestry. Surely in the uppermost Northern areas, hairy women are warmer to cuddle. Seeing how the anti-hair dynasty, Gillette, will never free us to grow our hair willy-nilly, we must find a way to buck the system.

One hair, somewhere, shall fight the good fight. Just not the chin hair, okay??

7 Comments:

  • I put one of those epilady things on my arm once...ONCE! Holy mackeral...made me believe that women were masochists!

    I really liked the line about cute shoes! But remember...most of us (men) are way to stupid to know when to keep our mouths shut!

    As good as my morning coffee, you put a smile on my face every day Tish!

    By Blogger The Ugly American, at 5:47 AM  

  • My personal preferance is women to be shaved under the arms.As for the legs it looks a whole beeter for ladies to have them. But since so many wear pants these days- not sure why you would have to do it more then a couple times a month.
    Now as for the other part- I hate the current trend of ladies looking pre- pub. It makes that part your body look abnormal and sometimes gross. But that is my opinon only.(The more hair the better for me).
    Now you can go to a really good knife shop and get a custom made Bowie knife that is so sharp it cuts air- that would defenatly cut the hair- pain free for you- but the hair will think twice about comng out so quickly next time...
    A word to the wise- Don't teach Drama Deva this method until she way past her teen years- teen ager have a terrible time during these years of being creative on their bodies and not all of them are good things...

    By Blogger ikw3804, at 9:15 AM  

  • well...seeing as i have issues with body hair in general, i thought i'd comment.

    okay, facial hair on a woman is a huge no-no. that should be electrolicized. pronto. women should not have hair on their chins, their upper lips, and they should not, under any circumstances...have sideburns.

    now as far as waxing vs. shaving of legs, underarms and nether regions...i have to say - it's better to shave legs than to wax. waxing requires at least 2 weeks or outgrowth in order to re-wax, so women who are close to their waxing days are super hairy beasts. i personally would rather shave my legs every day (yes, i shave every day) than have to grow the hair in order to wax it. that seems silly.

    as far as nether regions go - i'm a big fan of the brazilian. but, hey, that's just me :)

    By Blogger Ali, at 11:35 AM  

  • My best friend keep trying to convince me that I just "have to" get a Brazilian, because of its, well, carnal advantages. I already endured a combined 3 1/2 days of labor and delivery to pop out 2 babies, which included approximately 3 yards of sutures, and now I am supposed to have hot wax applied and ripped from bow to stern? NO thanks.

    By Blogger Robin, at 12:15 PM  

  • My wife and I laugh everytime we see the epilady commercial. They say it just "erases" the hair. lol
    My wife bought the Nads stuff a couple of years ago. I'll have to say over the next year or so she stoically used all of it. I was the technician for her underarms, although it pained me (but not as much as her.) I kept on telling her shaving has got to be easier than that. She also used it to clean up "bathing suit areas", but only once. I wasn't man enough to help her with that. I'm glad, too. I think she still has nightmares.
    Sorry to hear about your friend. We'll keep her family in our prayers.

    lejnd

    By Blogger bornfool, at 12:32 PM  

  • From a random reader...I really enjoy your site and it looks as though many people do! Keep up the posting!

    By Blogger Mona, at 3:18 PM  

  • Nice blog description about unwanted facial hair removal.But I am still looking for unwanted facial hair home remedy.I think all prevailing methods are either costly or time consuming.

    By Blogger Richa, at 5:14 AM  

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