Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Human Pinball Game

Today's contestant pinball is Tish, a thirty something wife and mother of two with a penchant for foot in mouth disease and bad luck. Her challenge, to obtain all items on her list while shopping WITHOUT being distracted or disturbed.




The playing field, ripe with obstacles and forces beyond her control. What will happen to our heroine? Let's watch.



Tish rounds the toothpaste corner pushing her children in the standard blue double dutch shopping cart and runs smack dab into panty-less patient, ironically, in the douche area. Ten minutes of listening to how bad the patient's back hurt, how their dog had a spastic bladder, and answering questions about feminine hygiene products, Tish bounces her cart and giggling children to the laundry soap aisle, where she is confronted by yet another ex-patient, Mr. Potty Mouth. Not potty in the sense of cursing, but potty in the sense of breath from HELL. Mr. Potty Mouth engages Tish with a conversation laden with words starting with "B", "P", and the ever popular "THR" - always a sure fire winner for spittle production.
Three aisles later, Tish and her children think they are safe. Only five more items on the list and they are homefree....or are they? Hiding behind the Roma Tomato display, she had no warning of the impending doom sending her into EXTENDED PLAY MODE.

VIRGIN STRIPPER taps Tish on the shoulder, cigarette ash falling in Tish's hair.
"OOH! I told Earl John it'twere you! EARL, lookie who's come a-shopping at WallyWorld today!" Her eyes dance at the sight of the children. "You must be Trish's precious little ones?"
Knowing her son's blunt condemnation of smokers, Tish gives him the evil eye while trying to bounce away from this obstacle. Drama Diva, fascinated with the 65 year old's sequined cat shirt and matching hot pants, asks where she acquired such an outfit.
"Oh, baby sugar pie,My Earl got this for me at some truckstop in Phoenix, right honey?" She points her cigarette at Earl, barely missing Tish's eye in the process. Finding an opening, Tish bids goodbye and quickly finds the shortest line from which to exit...or is it?
Lena, the checker, provides the final obstacle as she details her current love life, past love life, and three near arrests to Tish and the children. Casper listens with rapt attention while Drama Diva's wheels begin turning when Lena mentions her strip search.
The game concludes with Tish loading her children and purchases into the SUV without tonight's dinner or three important personal items still left inside.
DING DING DING! We have TILT!

3 Comments:

  • aahahahah i loved this
    are all your patients thaaaaaaaat freak???

    if this happends in WALL*MART... i dunno wanna imagine a day at work!

    By Blogger Ian-Ivy du Bois, at 12:36 PM  

  • LOL..the WallyWorld Follies. Big market, small market, same game, diffrunt town.

    By Blogger Skunkfeathers, at 1:17 PM  

  • 65 year old's sequined cat shirt and matching hot pants

    Now that's funny...I don't care who you are!

    By Blogger The Ugly American, at 10:32 AM  

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