Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Two favors and another Virgin Stripper story

Tomorrow, we are to Little Rock to visit my ailing mother-in-law. Not to sound the alarm, but I am very worried about her so my first favor is prayers/good thoughts for her. Long story short, internal bleeding plus two artificial heart valves, and respiratory issues. Yep, I'm worried.

My second favor is also in the good thought arena. One of my newer and favorite blog finds, An American Housewife,lost her husband unexpectedly last week. Again, thoughts and prayers would be appreciated along with any comments you can send her way.

Alas, this will be the final installment of the Virgin Stripper escapades. The last visit was, dare I say, more than most people could stand even on a heavy narcotic. Of course, the possessed Pekinese greeted me at the door, freshly shaven. This accentuated the cataracts and frightened me once again.
Fifty cigarettes filled her trucker ashtray. The big screen TV was blocked by the bedside commode, an unusual adornment not found in many homes, but what do I know? Maybe this is a new fad on HGTV.
After a long one-sided conversation about pain, pain pills, acquiring more pain pills, and the possibility of "The LOCKJAW" being the impetus of all of her bad luck, the Virgin Stripper asked me a question not heard since college.
"Will you look at the crack of my butt?"
Apparently she didn't hear my repeated refusals over the demonic dog's constant yapping. The black satin spandex hot pants were yanked down, revealing skin not seen outside of the home in at least four years. Just when I thought I was safe, hubby walks in and decides to comment about how/where/when he rubs that area. What felt like an hour lasted only ten minutes of partial nudity.
WHY can't I keep my mouth shut? I wonder this myself, but if I did, I wouldn't have such great stories to tell like this. While listening to another incredible story of anguish mixed with mobile homes, I mentioned to the Virgin Stripper she should write a book. She stopped for a moment, finished her cigarette, and then replied:

"I could call that Moore fella. You know, the one with the beard that did all those documenderies."
"Are you talking about Michael Moore?" Of course I was joking.
"That's him. I'll just give him a call and tell him my story. You know, if you put things down on paper, people just steal your ideas and then whatcha got? Squat, that's what."
When she mentioned Oprah, I took my leave. As I waved goodbye, I almost teared up. What will I do for blog material now?

Have a great Sunday.

4 Comments:

  • Prayers for your mother in law and for your friend. I also pray you and your family have a safe trip...I have relatives in Little Rock as well. Let me know if you need anything and that's not just talk.

    By Blogger Monica, at 9:45 AM  

  • :::Good thoughts::

    By Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan, at 6:16 PM  

  • In a job like yours, a blog will never lack for material ;) Best wishes for you and yours.

    By Blogger Skunkfeathers, at 2:00 AM  

  • A get well wish to your MIL. Have fun on your trip to Little Rock and the Virgin Stripper sounds like quite a character! Oh the people you meet in life :)

    By Blogger Summer, at 9:45 AM  

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