War of the Eyebrows
Forget Survivor or Big Brother for entertainment! Tom Cruise's war with Brooke Shields has got reality television beat for summer ratings. While I wasn't a big fan of Tom's before this latest stunt, his attack on Brooke Shields went beyond the pale of normal celebrity idiocy and has earned Tom a plaque in the Dumbass Hall of Fame.
Don't worry about offending, say, HALF of your viewing audience, Tom. Mothers around the world that teeter on the edge of sanity after days of labor won't mind you lecturing how it's all about vitamins or we just need to work out. It's too bad you couldn't have reached Andrea Yates in time with a bottle of Centrum and Denise Austin's latest exercise video. I am positive your years of filming movies like "Risky Business", "Top Gun", and the "Mission Impossible" Series have provided not only a little pocket money but the infinite wisdom that comes from years of reading books written by a sci-fi author on how, what, where, when and why our lives are in shambles. Of course, your example of marital bliss is one that we all hope our children can emulate: two marriages and now an engagement to a woman eighteen years your junior. What you've lost with female fans you can certainly shore up with the male mid-life crisis crowd.
It's one thing to espouse your opinion, but to represent oneself as an authority on such a personal subject...it's a little like me ranting about Viagra needing to be outlawed. Who am I to say it doesn't work for people? Better yet, who are you to tell women, something you can never be, what is right for them in one of most difficult and wonderous times in their lives?
And Tom, do you really believe we come from aliens and are reincarnated? I have a hard time putting any stock into your religion after watching it's foundation played out in this timeless classic. Come on, aliens? I'd sooner believe my Jehovah Witness stalker than that.
If it weren't for the kindness of your fans, you would be selling insurance somewhere in Iowa or God forbid, studying as Tony Robbins stand-in for his next rally. Remember, Tom, you sort of work for us. Like the court jester or Shakespeare, you derive your income from us. So don't insult us. And don't mess with Brooke. She has better eyebrows.