Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Sunday, July 24, 2005

You want fortune cookie with that?

Never let it be said that I can't call myself a dumbass.
Today was Drama Diva's birthday party. That in and of itself should produce nods of sympathy from all parents of eight year old girls, but here's the icing on the cake.

We invited 25...35 showed up. Why is that? The sibling factor. I'm just as guilty as the next BPC (Birthday Party Circuit) Mom. Casper tags along with Drama Diva, and vice versa. Following an unwritten BPC code, I always offer to pay for my tagalong child to help defray the costs of what should be considered a tax deduction.
Apparently I am one of the few in our BPC that abides by this rule. Last year, I spent an additional 72 bucks just on siblings for Drama Diva's horse party. This year, I vowed to nip this in the bud, so on the invitation in bright red letters, I added the sentence:
Additional siblings 8.00
Three parents asked me what that meant. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS? Unless I missed something, I didn't win the lottery and don't have a money tree growing in my backyard. There really is no argument, either, when paying for each child at a party. Ten extra children X 8.00 should equal 80.00 but somehow I ended up with 48.00 at the end of the party. I would have pursued the rest of the money but seeing how Drama Diva's party coincided with the hottest day in recorded history of the world (or it felt like it) and I was running around the pool like a chicken with its head cut off (Sorry, PETA), I was exhausted. AND apparently eat up with dumbass.

Most normal people eat breakfast, then lunch, then enjoy wine before or during dinner, right? Not me. I had one donut at 9:00 am, a half-bite of cake at 1:30 pm, and a full tumbler of wine at 5:00 pm before going to the Chinese buffet with the family.

Know how you feel right before the rollercoaster launches downward towards the loop-de-loop? Well, that was me at Panda's Buffet. I think there is a conspiracy with these restaurants. They keep the dining rooms ice cold but the restrooms are like Hell's kitchen. Five long minutes in there and I was sweaty, nauseous, and on the verge of passing out.

Asian waitress sees me exiting the restroom, my face the color of spaghetti, and asks me,
"YOU WANT FORTUNE COOKIE NOW?"
The entire family is eating while I lean against the wall and cover my mouth. Mind you, I probably know half of the patrons but at that moment, I wouldn't have cared if President Bush walked in and asked for a sit down with me.
"Honey, get my purse and take me home." I managed to holler before lurching towards the door.
"Do you want sit down?" Another Asian waitress offers while holding a large vat of hot and sour soup.
"OH GOD!" I run for the door, hubby on my heels.
Bottom line, I probably suffered from slight heat exhaustion, poor food choices, and an oblivious Asian waitress. Thank GOD for phenegran and crackers, that's all I can say.

My advice to you is never eat Chinese after swimming. Or drinking wine on an empty stomach. Or after being in 200 degree sun for three hours.

Geez, I'm hungry now.

7 Comments:

  • This sort of thing will pass as she gets older and it becomes no longer "cool" to have Mum (or Dad) so obviously present. Then of course you get requests for birthday discos (or we do over here!) but not at home! They have to be at a hired venue away from the house. In the UK we have a profusion of local Village Halls and Community Centres with largish rooms you can hire for this sort of thing. It then becomes easier to fade into the background with a friend or two and keep a more distant and relaxed eye on proceedings. If, of course, you can manage to block out the disco. Oh, and never ever dance yourself or your children will hate you forever!

    By Blogger Stegbeetle, at 2:54 AM  

  • Hope you're feeling better!

    By Blogger steelcowboy, at 7:30 AM  

  • hungry?

    come on over we are cooking way too much food today

    By Anonymous tommy, at 8:01 AM  

  • Bless your heart! I can't believe people are rude enough to sponge like that at birthday parties. Good thing my BPC days are over..I'd be making some mommas really mad ;)

    By Blogger poopie, at 10:29 AM  

  • Maybe they're the Birthday Party Crashers version of The Wedding Crashers, but with a slightly different intent.

    By Blogger FTS, at 10:38 AM  

  • You knew you were in trouble when you heard the ominous "you want fortune cookie with that?"

    The cookie probably said "dinner like bad memory; no good to bring up".

    ;)

    By Blogger Skunkfeathers, at 11:03 AM  

  • Put this day in the "Life's a bitch and then you die" file.

    By Blogger OldHorsetailSnake, at 12:56 PM  

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