Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Midgets and Donkeys and Boils, Oh My!!

You know your day is going to be interesting when someone tells you out of the blue that they have built a local midget a home. One of my patients detailed all of the modifications for the home, and just when I thought I wouldn't laugh outloud, he says...

"You know, their little butts fit right in the palm of my hand."

Something about a 9o year old man measuring out the width of a midget's rear end tickled my funny bone but I wasn't prepared for what happened next. My patient has hallucinations, mainly from medications and age-related dementia. He looked past me at the corner of the kitchen.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE 'FORE YOU TEAR UP THE MOLDIN'!" He shook his fist at the darkened corner. "Damn kids, they done tore up my bedroom. I'ma gonna call the schools tomorrow. They're old enough to be learning."

"Grandpop, there aren't any kids here." His granddaughter held a smirk for a moment before laughing.

"The hell there aint! I damn near fell on one of them yesterday in the bathroom. They just don't say a word, none of them."

Three patients later, donkeys surround my car. For some unknown reason, the family enjoys the braying and stomping of loose donkeys. One donkey, in particular, likes to charge the fence every time I pull up. This time, I thought I'd wave goodbye to the animal seeing as it was my last visit. Not smart,especially when the gate is open.
Did you know donkeys will try to bite a person?
Thank God I left my door unlocked.

And for the finale, one of my patient's family members has a large sore on his nose. When I say large, I mean half-dollar and right on the tip. Try not staring at it while he commands your complete attention regarding a fishing story. My patient, the only one that can hear in the entire home, likes to talk about it with him sitting only four feet away.
"Look at it! I can't stand to eat with him and that festering sore. Just look at him." All the time, he's smiling and nodding at me.
"Want something to drink?" He offers.
"She can't drink with that sore staring at her!" The patient screeches, but the man doesn't hear her. "SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING!" He nods and continues to smile at me. I think his nose winked at me.

15 Comments:

  • I'm glad I'm not the only one who has such interesting, fun days. The winking boil cracked me up.

    By Blogger bornfool, at 10:13 PM  

  • Your a PT

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:32 AM  

  • Midget donkeys and boils...I think I'll stick to my job ;)

    I noted another buffoon anonymous commenter...what's a PT supposed to be? Some really gnarly insult from a cowardly illiterate?

    By Blogger Skunkfeathers, at 5:07 AM  

  • So what you're saying is that this guys donkey wasn't at all like he was portrayed in Shrek? OMG.. give me a moment.

    Ok... the midgets helped me work thru it, but the winking boil sealed the deal. You could have done like Austin Powers did with that guy with the big hairy mole... Molay, molay, MOLAY! Very subtle he was. LOL!

    Thanks for the giggle.... and I agree with anonymous. You ARE a PT...! S/He was paying attention ;)

    By Blogger Leslie, at 5:13 AM  

  • While I wouldn't want your job for a million dollars - and admire you more than I can say for doing it - I have to say I envy you the rich wealth of material said job provides you!

    By Anonymous Melanie Lynne Hauser, at 10:04 AM  

  • I briefly worked for a home health care agency as a speech therapy assistant. It is pretty amazing what you find in people's homes. Sometimes it's sad. Sometimes it's comical. My first day on the job, the speech therapist took me around to meet her patients. At this one house, she told me to leave my coat and purse in the car. "Here, you should carry in only what you absolutely need. You don't want to carry out any of the bugs with you." She was right. The house was infested. The patient was drinking a glass of iced tea and using the coaster on top of, rather than under the glass. It wasn't to prevent rings on the table. It was to prevent roaches from falling into his drink. Visiting those places never feels "comfortable", but you eventually get used to it. I always left my coat in the car. And I learned not to pet their cute and friendly...filthy and stinky...little dog.

    By Blogger WordWhiz, at 12:36 PM  

  • Dear Anonymous,

    What's a PT? And if it's bad, you should have said "You're a PT." not "Your a PT." If PT is good, never mind.

    By Blogger bornfool, at 4:58 PM  

  • To answer the question, I am a physical therapist. I don't consider that a bad career or label, so if anonymous is slamming me, have at it.
    And for the future, no more anonymous comments. Sorry, but I like to 'look' people in the eye.

    By Blogger Tisha from Texas, at 5:06 PM  

  • You live what is called "the good life," doncha?

    People with boils bigger 'n' midget's ass. Cripes!

    By Blogger OldHorsetailSnake, at 6:16 PM  

  • um hmm...MRSA. A much bigger threat to humanity than sheet heads ever DREAMED of being!

    By Blogger poopie, at 7:37 PM  

  • I knew you were a physical therapist. I didn't make the connection with PT though. I thought anon. was "dissin'" you. I should have known to just keep my mouth shut. Sorry. I still don't understand just saying "your a PT" though. :)

    By Blogger bornfool, at 1:11 PM  

  • I didn't understand it either, Lejnd. Maybe its someone with a bad memory of a PT or just had the light bulb finally go off in their head. Either way, my comment wasn't aimed at you, my dear!!!

    By Blogger Tisha from Texas, at 1:23 PM  

  • Just another day at the office...


    sigh.

    By Blogger Silly Old Bear, at 1:43 PM  

  • You're story about the boil had me laughing outloud. To think I tried to talk my daughter into becoming a PT. (She's in first yr. university next year.) Think I'll reconsider!

    By Blogger Penny Halston, at 8:14 PM  

  • You're story about the boil had me laughing outloud. To think I tried to talk my daughter into becoming a PT. (She's in first yr. university next year.) Think I'll reconsider!econsider!

    By Blogger Penny Halston, at 8:21 PM  

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