Welcome to my world - The world of Tish

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Speeding Ticket Pre-Trial

Apart from the serial killer episodes, I've learned quite a bit about representing myself from Dick Wolf. It's too bad that the Mr. Bald Short Policeman couldn't have been Chris Noth, though. I would have volunteered for a pat-down and possible strip search (just kidding...kind of.)

Phrases like "I object" "Just answer yes or no, please" and "May I approach the witness, your Honor?" will find their way into my defense. My dear friend Hoss suggested that I play soft, which might work for most normal people, but I come from a long line of George Costanza-like raving lunatics that enter a courtroom with a 1958 suitcase filled with papers while wearing squeaky shoes. It's in my blood to point, accuse, and if nothing else works, effectively cry. Crying won't work in this courtroom, I've heard, as it is a female judge with no patience for playing the sob card.

It's in my best interest to wear not the spit cup scrubs (the stain did come out with five washings), but maybe my khakis and not too tight aqua shirt. Color without emphasis on possible body parts that the judge could or could not have been born with, if you get my meaning. No loud lipsticks, no spiky hair, just boring Tish. OR I could wear my black power suit that just screams DON'T DENY ME! Of course, along with that suit comes the channeling of Joan Crawford and her attitude, so that may work against me in the long run.

Did I mention that the fine is 196 bucks? That's more than I spend on myself in six months, not counting Dr. Peppers of course. The fine won't increase if I lose my case, so what do I have to lose by going to trial? Hmm, maybe dignity? The likelihood of me making a complete ass of myself is about as great as Terrell Owens being booed by his own fans.

Maybe I should just pay the fine.

But then I'd lose out on all of this great blog material, so for all of you, I will pursue this. It's for my fans, always about the fans.

Send bail money...

4 Comments:

  • LOL...I'll be interested to hear how your Costanza gambit works.

    My last miscue with da law only resulted in a two point ticket (my local municipality has plea-bargain-by-mail, if the transgressor's driving record is good, and mine was). I paid.

    Yeah, I know...no guts, no blog material...

    By Blogger Skunkfeathers, at 3:33 PM  

  • There's usually the downside of having to pony up the legal fees if you happen to lose your case, but don't let that scare you if you know you're right!

    By Blogger Bill, at 2:24 AM  

  • Wear the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct dress with no undies. You'll do fine.

    By Blogger Maria del Carmen, at 12:33 PM  

  • Maybe you'll be lucky and bald, short police dude won't show up for court. It happens fairly often. Or tell the judge you had to get home because your friend was about to commit suicide because he couldn't be a banker.

    By Blogger bornfool, at 8:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home